Just Checking In

I know that I haven't been here in a while. I have completely fallen off the weight-loss wagon. I am however, trying to get to the gym. I joined one right across the street from work. I only make it there about once a week with my hectic work schedule, which isn't so good. I am going to commit to at least two times. I just bought 6 sessions with a trainer, so maybe that will help jump start things. Hubby has also fixed up a bike for me and we have been taking 2 hour rides on the weekends, towing the kids in a trailer. The weight is the same.

Work is busy. I am trying to find a new job in the same company where I work. Right now I'm covering my manager's maternity leave and she will be back in November. I did receive one offer and I'm checking it out next week. And I have another interview for a second position on Aug 19. I'm sure something will work out.

The kids are good. Mister starts JK in September. He has been assigned to afternoons and I'm trying to switch it to mornings so it doesn't affect Dolly's schedule. I keep calling the school and nobody is there (figures, it is summer). What irks me about the whole scenario is that my neighbour registered late. I had to tell her to go register and STILL she got her first choice of mornings. Fair? I think not.

We are having a speech-language therapy assessment for Dolly the last week of August. She is doing pretty good but only says a few words at 20 months. Mister was a talker (quite the opposite). We know have a case worker that comes to the house to play with Dolly and will accompany us to hospital/specialist visits for the Albinsim - so that is really helpful.

Hope everyone who is enjoying their summer.

On Track

So I managed to lose 0.6 lbs last week and 1.0 lb this week, for a total of 1.6 lbs in two weeks. It may not seem like a lot but two losses in a row is better than my ongoing consecutive gains. 

And importantly, today I confirmed that my thyroid is too slow (again), which may explain some of my weight gain (since they lowered the dose last). I will fill the prescription tomorrow and cross my fingers while I continue to stay OP.

Still waiting on the CNIB to come to the house and do the assessment on Dolly.

Mister turned four this week (and still a loss despite the birthday cake)!

Hours

After my last post, my grandmother told me at Easter dinner that I looked fat.  I'm not kidding.  Her words were: "You look fat. You used to look okay before your dad died, what happened?".  I'm not kidding.  

At least it motivated me to get on the treadmill when I got home.

I think I'm going to look on-line for some motivational tapes.  Something like: "do not eat" (I'm kidding ... sort of).

I don't have much to say these days

I don't have much to say these days .. so true.  I am always a chatty person, which makes me think the silence is bad. Even when I go to my WW meeting. I don't say anything. I sit and think and think and nothing to say out loud (only think inside my head .. what is happening)??  It seems that I am gaining weight at a rate of about 2 lbs a week. I'm not kidding.  I am making good choices, I am exercising - I am not sure what is happening.  I am hoping it is my thyroid slowing down but everything feels out of control.  I am up about 6 lbs since my dad died.  This is a fact.  How do I find my way back? It feels like a slippery slope. I am going to meetings and paying to weigh but everything else seems moot.  I am stressed about work, stressed about Dolly and everything else (my dad dying, worrying about my mom, not taking care of myself,  new job with new staff, working long hours, stressing about mortgage payments, figuring out what albinism will mean for Dolly, feeling guilt about not being home with the kids when my neighbour says: "I wouldn't get a nanny if she was anything like your nanny" - huh???).  Maybe things will find their normal again soon.  In the meantime, trying to get some sleep and not eat the easter bunnies.  

Taking Dolly to see genetics on Wednesday and social work to develop an early intervention plan.

I am still here

I am still here.  Reeling from life's changes. My father passed on February 22nd. I was there, by his side, holding his hand while he took his last breathe ...  It has affected me profoundly. I did not have a good relationship with him.  I have found out through grief counseling that the relationships that are characterized as less-than-good are actually the most challenging post-death for resolution.  

Dolly has a confirmed diagnosis of Albinism.  The next step is to meet with the genetics unit at Sick Kids Hospital.  I am looking forward to learning more about it.  

As for the weight-loss, you can probably guess that it is not going too well.  All things considered, I only gained 2 lbs through the hospital time and week-long funeral event.  Now I'm trying to find the space and time for self-care.  

Thanks for stopping by and checking-in on me.

Saturday Check-in

Just a quick post to say that I was down another 1.4 lbs at the scale this week. 

I continue to battle with my thyroid issue - currently it is too fast (but strangely enough, hyperthyroidism can be linked to weight gain).  I pick up my new meds on Monday. I would love to have a normal thyroid! Enough of the cycling from slow to fast to slow etc...  

http://www.mythyroid.com/hyperthyroidism.html

Down at the Scale

I was down 1.2 lbs this week! Woo-hoo! In some ways I see no rhyme or reason to this ... after last week's disappointing weigh-in, I didn't work out for 3 days.  Then worked out 3 days in a row.  Something worked!  Still waiting for the doctor to call me back about the thyroid results to see about my meds being adjusted.

Tomorrow is WI

Well, I had a busy weekend.  Mister fell in the tub on Saturday night and cracked open his skin - which resulted in a trip to the hospital and three stitches.  I think it was harder for us, his parents, than him. He was a real trooper and super excited about a popsicle he got at the hospital.

Tomorrow is WI.  I managed to work-out every day these last 3 days but was generally unmotivated last week after my very disappointing WI.  

I'll let you know how it goes!

Mouse in the House

I was up 0.4 lbs this week. Ugh.  I guess that makes me have a net loss of 0.4 since Christmas.  I'm still waiting for the thyroid test results from last week. I'm hoping that is the answer - just need a med adjustment.  

I have a mouse in the house. I almost fainted.  Sitting in the bathroom last night and one ran across the floor under the radiator.  Picture me screaming at the top of my lungs and waking up the kids.  I think it is my instinct. I ran out of the bathroom and closed the door.  Hubby went in and couldn't see anything.  So I go back and out runs the mouse again only this time trying to get out of the bathroom and bonking his head on the door (kind of feels like an analogy for the weight-loss journey, huh)?  Anyway, the mouse runs back under the radiator.  So we close the bathroom door and stuff towels under it so that I don't have to worry about the mouse while we are sleeping. Now hubby has to set traps.  It is an old house built in 1925 and it is our first winter in it - so I guess a mouse or two is to be expected. I can't help it - I scream every time I see one!

WI Today

WI today.  I will post how I do.  I have been staying on track with the exercise and brown-bagging lunch.  However, have been really tired these past two mornings and opted for sleep instead ... a few days off is okay, I think. 

Keep on Movin'

The treadmill is getting easier - becoming a habit. I feel so much better when I fit it in!! I'm curious about the weigh-in this week (coming Tuesday). I went and had my blood taken on Thursday ... to re-check my thryoid. I basically go about once a month - my endocrinologist just gives me requisitions and then calls me if I need my meds adjusted. I have a sneaking suspicion that something is off but we will see. I should know later this week.

Monday is my first day flying solo at work. I'm feeling pretty excited! Just have to make time for me and my family. I thought about using an on-line grocery shopping service - they will deliver it to the home. When I mentioned this, DH offered to go and buy the groceries if I made a list. So that is a huge help. Sent him off to the store this morning in the snow and I hopped on the treadmill!

Bought a new suit yesterday at a JNY warehouse. The suit was regularly $375 and I got it for $100. A great deal ... as for size, skirt was a size 12 and jacket a size 14. My dream would be to fit a size 10 skirt and 12 coat. A little more work. My real goal is to hit my goal weight by Mother's Day or at least pretty close. That will take me to one-year from when I re-joined Weight Watchers (after baby #2).

Dolly is doing well. Just waiting on the March tests. We rushed her to the doctor this week as she had a swollen bump on her chest. Learned it was normal development so that was a sigh of relief. Mister is pretty happy these days too. He told me the other day that "did you know we can buy dogs at the store?". Yes, but love, we don't have time for a dog right now! Too cute.

Slip, Fall, Get Back Up!

Thanks for all the friendly posts! I did have a slip yesterday. I was at work from 8 am to 8 pm (in meetings) and got home about 9 PM, starving. Wolfed down two slices of pizza (hubby and the kids ordered it for dinner with me gone) and then felt awful. I guess it could have been worse - like 4 slices, LOL.

I'm having serious imposter syndrome issues at work. My boss is leaving for maternity leave and I'm taking her job for the mat leave. A much higher classification and pay level and a lot more responsibility. She usually micro-manages so dealing with being on my own for the first time and she is drawing attention to my flaws in the final days. Friday is her last day. Trying not to eat my way through the stress and keep some balance. My schedule so far this week has been 9 hour days without breaks and yesterday a 12 hour day without break. Funny thing is that I told the Director I wouldn't work those kind of hours with two little kids ... will have to keep an eye on it.

Going to read how everyone else is doing now.

All that work!

So had a really good week OP - lots of exercise and brown-bagging healthy lunches (I figure that is where I eat extra points when I have take-out at lunch).  And drum-roll please, for a loss of 0.6 lbs -- just slightly more than 1/2 a pound!  Disappointment.  I hope it shows next week. I'm sticking to what I'm doing but I have to tell you - it made me want to run out and eat a bag of chips or a big mac or something full of fat.  I didn't. I ate my whole-wheat pita with grilled veggies and one slice of light cheese :) followed by two clementines.  

Hump Day

Staying on track despite knowing that I'm up 4.8 lbs (sometimes I sabotage myself even worse). Brown-bagging the lunch and exercising.  Thinking of everyone else struggling with the same thing.

Worse than I thought

I am up 4.8 lbs. No kidding. I didn't think it was that bad. Oh boy.

The Journey to Me

Is a long one.  Oprah's show on falling off the wagon really resonated with me.  It is not a quick fix.  It is not something that I can 'get'.  It is a life-long journey and arduous so I better be prepared.  It is difficult to learn to love yourself and to make time for yourself.  It is easier to push it aside.  My time is in the early morning.  I may not get much sleep but I will fit in my exercise.  Three days and counting now.  Dolly was up at 4:30 AM today.  I tried to lie in bed until 5 AM and then gave her a bottle and put her back to sleep. Hit the treadmill at 5:30.  I am going to have to start going to bed earlier! 

Today is weigh-in. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm up 3 lbs over the Christmas holidays. I guess it could be worse.  This is where I remind myself about the journey. This is my year to stay on the path to me, to love myself, to care for myself, to be kind to my body, to nurture my mind.  

Resolutions

It's  brand new year and a new and improved me. I'm determined to kick-start my weight-loss off this plateau.  The new plan is to exercise before work - that means getting up at 5:30 to get in at least 30 minutes in the morning before I take care of Dolly and get ready for work .. I leave the house at 7:15.  So Day 1 (which is back to work after the holidays). Dolly decides to get up at 5 AM.  I feed her and then manage to put her back to sleep.  I did get the exercise in! Yeah me!  I'm determined to keep it up this week.  Time for my shower. I'm feeling motivated!!

Yesterday I cleaned out my fridge and cupboards, cleaned the bathrooms, did the laundry, organized the kids clothes (went through and put away everything that is too small to give to friends with kids), and managed to plan some healthy meals for the week.  I'm also determined to eat home-packed lunches, which are healthier than take-out.  However, an old friend from high-school who now lives in Australia called me yesterday and said she was in town. I have not seen her in 4 years!! So we are meeting for lunch today. My plan is sushi - low points.