Thinking about coming back to the blog!

I had a moment today - where I thought about coming back to the blog. It has been so long! Too long. Need help with my public commitment to battle through my long-standing issues with my weight. What better way to do it than to share my experience here? :)

Just Checking In

I know that I haven't been here in a while. I have completely fallen off the weight-loss wagon. I am however, trying to get to the gym. I joined one right across the street from work. I only make it there about once a week with my hectic work schedule, which isn't so good. I am going to commit to at least two times. I just bought 6 sessions with a trainer, so maybe that will help jump start things. Hubby has also fixed up a bike for me and we have been taking 2 hour rides on the weekends, towing the kids in a trailer. The weight is the same.

Work is busy. I am trying to find a new job in the same company where I work. Right now I'm covering my manager's maternity leave and she will be back in November. I did receive one offer and I'm checking it out next week. And I have another interview for a second position on Aug 19. I'm sure something will work out.

The kids are good. Mister starts JK in September. He has been assigned to afternoons and I'm trying to switch it to mornings so it doesn't affect Dolly's schedule. I keep calling the school and nobody is there (figures, it is summer). What irks me about the whole scenario is that my neighbour registered late. I had to tell her to go register and STILL she got her first choice of mornings. Fair? I think not.

We are having a speech-language therapy assessment for Dolly the last week of August. She is doing pretty good but only says a few words at 20 months. Mister was a talker (quite the opposite). We know have a case worker that comes to the house to play with Dolly and will accompany us to hospital/specialist visits for the Albinsim - so that is really helpful.

Hope everyone who is enjoying their summer.

On Track

So I managed to lose 0.6 lbs last week and 1.0 lb this week, for a total of 1.6 lbs in two weeks. It may not seem like a lot but two losses in a row is better than my ongoing consecutive gains. 

And importantly, today I confirmed that my thyroid is too slow (again), which may explain some of my weight gain (since they lowered the dose last). I will fill the prescription tomorrow and cross my fingers while I continue to stay OP.

Still waiting on the CNIB to come to the house and do the assessment on Dolly.

Mister turned four this week (and still a loss despite the birthday cake)!

Hours

After my last post, my grandmother told me at Easter dinner that I looked fat.  I'm not kidding.  Her words were: "You look fat. You used to look okay before your dad died, what happened?".  I'm not kidding.  

At least it motivated me to get on the treadmill when I got home.

I think I'm going to look on-line for some motivational tapes.  Something like: "do not eat" (I'm kidding ... sort of).

I don't have much to say these days

I don't have much to say these days .. so true.  I am always a chatty person, which makes me think the silence is bad. Even when I go to my WW meeting. I don't say anything. I sit and think and think and nothing to say out loud (only think inside my head .. what is happening)??  It seems that I am gaining weight at a rate of about 2 lbs a week. I'm not kidding.  I am making good choices, I am exercising - I am not sure what is happening.  I am hoping it is my thyroid slowing down but everything feels out of control.  I am up about 6 lbs since my dad died.  This is a fact.  How do I find my way back? It feels like a slippery slope. I am going to meetings and paying to weigh but everything else seems moot.  I am stressed about work, stressed about Dolly and everything else (my dad dying, worrying about my mom, not taking care of myself,  new job with new staff, working long hours, stressing about mortgage payments, figuring out what albinism will mean for Dolly, feeling guilt about not being home with the kids when my neighbour says: "I wouldn't get a nanny if she was anything like your nanny" - huh???).  Maybe things will find their normal again soon.  In the meantime, trying to get some sleep and not eat the easter bunnies.  

Taking Dolly to see genetics on Wednesday and social work to develop an early intervention plan.

I am still here

I am still here.  Reeling from life's changes. My father passed on February 22nd. I was there, by his side, holding his hand while he took his last breathe ...  It has affected me profoundly. I did not have a good relationship with him.  I have found out through grief counseling that the relationships that are characterized as less-than-good are actually the most challenging post-death for resolution.  

Dolly has a confirmed diagnosis of Albinism.  The next step is to meet with the genetics unit at Sick Kids Hospital.  I am looking forward to learning more about it.  

As for the weight-loss, you can probably guess that it is not going too well.  All things considered, I only gained 2 lbs through the hospital time and week-long funeral event.  Now I'm trying to find the space and time for self-care.  

Thanks for stopping by and checking-in on me.

Saturday Check-in

Just a quick post to say that I was down another 1.4 lbs at the scale this week. 

I continue to battle with my thyroid issue - currently it is too fast (but strangely enough, hyperthyroidism can be linked to weight gain).  I pick up my new meds on Monday. I would love to have a normal thyroid! Enough of the cycling from slow to fast to slow etc...  

http://www.mythyroid.com/hyperthyroidism.html