The Unexpected

I took Dolly to the eye specialist this week.  We were (and still are) scheduled for another specialist in November (long waiting period). However, my pediatrician was not happy about the long wait and found another pediatric opthamologist to have a look at Dolly's eyes.  The doctor said there is nothing wrong structurally with Dolly's eyes.  Rather, he thinks it is neurological and we are now waiting for an appointment with the Hospital for Sick Children so Dolly can have a Cat Scan/MRI.  He said he thinks it is a condition called "nystagmus", which is jerky eye movements.  Lots of children in his practice with this condition grow up to have normal vision and others very bad vision such that they cannot legally drive.  These seem like things I can handle.  When I asked him to write down for me the word "nystagmus" (because he kept saying it really fast and I knew I would forget it) he told me not to panic. If I went home and googled this word then I would see 'brain tumors'.  Big pause here.  I spent the whole way home on the subway crying -- strangers looking at me.  When I finally got home and saw my neighbour who asked me how it went, I was sobbing.  I can't imagine anything happening to my little one.  It never crossed my mind that she might have a brain tumor.  So now we wait.  I'm praying for the best of these situations. 

In the meantime, I have completely fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon.  I never drink my points and have been indulging in a few glasses of wine these past couple of days, and loading up on carbs (read bread and cheese).  I just can't seem to take care of myself and the babes.