Worse than I thought

I am up 4.8 lbs. No kidding. I didn't think it was that bad. Oh boy.

The Journey to Me

Is a long one.  Oprah's show on falling off the wagon really resonated with me.  It is not a quick fix.  It is not something that I can 'get'.  It is a life-long journey and arduous so I better be prepared.  It is difficult to learn to love yourself and to make time for yourself.  It is easier to push it aside.  My time is in the early morning.  I may not get much sleep but I will fit in my exercise.  Three days and counting now.  Dolly was up at 4:30 AM today.  I tried to lie in bed until 5 AM and then gave her a bottle and put her back to sleep. Hit the treadmill at 5:30.  I am going to have to start going to bed earlier! 

Today is weigh-in. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm up 3 lbs over the Christmas holidays. I guess it could be worse.  This is where I remind myself about the journey. This is my year to stay on the path to me, to love myself, to care for myself, to be kind to my body, to nurture my mind.  

Resolutions

It's  brand new year and a new and improved me. I'm determined to kick-start my weight-loss off this plateau.  The new plan is to exercise before work - that means getting up at 5:30 to get in at least 30 minutes in the morning before I take care of Dolly and get ready for work .. I leave the house at 7:15.  So Day 1 (which is back to work after the holidays). Dolly decides to get up at 5 AM.  I feed her and then manage to put her back to sleep.  I did get the exercise in! Yeah me!  I'm determined to keep it up this week.  Time for my shower. I'm feeling motivated!!

Yesterday I cleaned out my fridge and cupboards, cleaned the bathrooms, did the laundry, organized the kids clothes (went through and put away everything that is too small to give to friends with kids), and managed to plan some healthy meals for the week.  I'm also determined to eat home-packed lunches, which are healthier than take-out.  However, an old friend from high-school who now lives in Australia called me yesterday and said she was in town. I have not seen her in 4 years!! So we are meeting for lunch today. My plan is sushi - low points. 

On the Cusp

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!! It is almost 2009 and I feel like I'm on the cusp of change ... of something great.  What do I want for myself for 2009?  What am I grateful for from 2008?  Most of all, I am grateful for the health of my babies - my angels (picture attached).

Dolly still has residual health issues that we are exploring.  Two more appointments in March 2009 at the Sick Kids Hospital. One to test for 'albinism' - apparently her cones have no pigment.  And the second to determine the kind of nystgamus that she has exactly. However, since we have confirmed it is not in her brain, I find these other diagnoses less scary ... things we can manage ... and I am grateful for that.  I am also grateful for Mister - he seems to be developing into such a little man. I sometimes look at him and wonder where did he come from?? I think only another mom can appreciate this thought.  I'm always astounded by his personality. He is a real sweetheart - very caring, very smart and has a great sense of humor.  I am grateful that he is mine.  

I am also grateful for my hubby - who without him - none of this would be possible.   On the job front, I am happy to have one that is secure in this economic times.  I am one of the lucky ones (hubby's is not so secure and he is still hanging on despite all the cuts at his work).   I also recently was promoted (for a 6 month term) to my boss' job (while she goes on mat leave).  So I am grateful for this new adventure, which will begin in January.  

So what do I want for 2009?  More good health, good times and memories and happiness for all my family and friends. I continue to stay stable at my weight loss of 25 lbs. I would like to move off this plateau. I think to do so - I will really need to shake things up in my life.  I'm hoping Oprah's first week of shows will help me get in the mind-set to take care of myself.   Balancing work and family and myself is not always the easiest thing to do.  Sometimes I let myself go to the bottom of the pile.  I would like to take better care of myself so I can take care of my family better too.

Wishing everyone who reads this post a happy holiday and new year!  All the best for 2009!! 

Happy Birthday Dolly!!

Happy birthday my love ... my dolly. My life would not be the same without you. I cherish every day and thank heaven for your safe arrival.  May year number two be as equally filled with love and happiness.  Love, mom.

Normal, Completely Normal

Shooshhhh - that is me letting my breath out. Yes, I have been holding it for what seems like a really long time.  The MRI results showed that Dolly is normal, completely normal in the brain department.  As the neuro-surgeon said "she is not atypical".  Translation, normal.  Fantastic news just days before her first birthday.  

Today we see the pediatric opthamologist - whom we have been waiting one year to see.  This will tell us more about her eyes.  

My prayers have been answered. I'm hoping for all of you who read this that your prayers will be answered too.

The Waiting Game

I have been absent from the blog. I apologize.  Going back to work full-time has been exhausting for me.  I am grateful for all that I have - two wonderful kids, a husband and a full-time job - but it is a balancing act or should I say juggling act and the ball I keep dropping is 'me'.  No time for myself in all of this.  I reconnected with another WW meeting and new leader on lunch times and hoping that this will help re-motivate myself.  Planning is what is required.  Planning time for me including making healthy meals and squeezing in some activity/treadmill.

All is well on the Dolly front.  We had the MRI last Thursday.  I was completely terrified that the appointment would not happen.  Dolly could not be sick for at least 2 weeks in advance of the appointment.  She wasn't herself (I blame it on teething, perpetually) but she wasn't sick.  The appointment was for 7 AM at Sick Kids Hospital.  The nanny arrived at 5:30 (to watch Mister for the day).  We left the house at 6 and got there a bit early.  She wasn't as cranky as I expected since I fed her just before midnight (the cut off for food).   We walked her around the hospital looking at all the sights and sounds.  By the time we registered and had her in a gown, it was about 8 AM.  Side bar here - I wish they would have given me a list of what to bring - the one thing I forgot was socks!  Her tiny toes were cold. I had her in her sleeper jammies which had feet so no socks.  When I switched to the gown, I tried to keep her toes wrapped in a blankie.  Everything seemed to go okay with the exception of the IV. She was really mad!  Shortly after, the nurse administered a calming drug which made her go from screaming to giggling.  The drug also has an amnesia effect so she wouldn't remember anything. An hour and half later she was in recovery and I was giving her a bottle of juice.  She was a bit like a drunk girl the rest of the day but all in all, managed to cope well.

Now we wait.  The waiting game.  The results appointment is 8 AM on the 17th.  I think through it in my mind.  Good if only one or two doctors.  Bad if many doctors walk in room (a team).  Hubby says I worry too much.  Dolly is developing well. If it was a tumor, there would be obvious signs - wouldn't there? And now I wait and pray and hope.