Normal, Completely Normal

Shooshhhh - that is me letting my breath out. Yes, I have been holding it for what seems like a really long time.  The MRI results showed that Dolly is normal, completely normal in the brain department.  As the neuro-surgeon said "she is not atypical".  Translation, normal.  Fantastic news just days before her first birthday.  

Today we see the pediatric opthamologist - whom we have been waiting one year to see.  This will tell us more about her eyes.  

My prayers have been answered. I'm hoping for all of you who read this that your prayers will be answered too.

The Waiting Game

I have been absent from the blog. I apologize.  Going back to work full-time has been exhausting for me.  I am grateful for all that I have - two wonderful kids, a husband and a full-time job - but it is a balancing act or should I say juggling act and the ball I keep dropping is 'me'.  No time for myself in all of this.  I reconnected with another WW meeting and new leader on lunch times and hoping that this will help re-motivate myself.  Planning is what is required.  Planning time for me including making healthy meals and squeezing in some activity/treadmill.

All is well on the Dolly front.  We had the MRI last Thursday.  I was completely terrified that the appointment would not happen.  Dolly could not be sick for at least 2 weeks in advance of the appointment.  She wasn't herself (I blame it on teething, perpetually) but she wasn't sick.  The appointment was for 7 AM at Sick Kids Hospital.  The nanny arrived at 5:30 (to watch Mister for the day).  We left the house at 6 and got there a bit early.  She wasn't as cranky as I expected since I fed her just before midnight (the cut off for food).   We walked her around the hospital looking at all the sights and sounds.  By the time we registered and had her in a gown, it was about 8 AM.  Side bar here - I wish they would have given me a list of what to bring - the one thing I forgot was socks!  Her tiny toes were cold. I had her in her sleeper jammies which had feet so no socks.  When I switched to the gown, I tried to keep her toes wrapped in a blankie.  Everything seemed to go okay with the exception of the IV. She was really mad!  Shortly after, the nurse administered a calming drug which made her go from screaming to giggling.  The drug also has an amnesia effect so she wouldn't remember anything. An hour and half later she was in recovery and I was giving her a bottle of juice.  She was a bit like a drunk girl the rest of the day but all in all, managed to cope well.

Now we wait.  The waiting game.  The results appointment is 8 AM on the 17th.  I think through it in my mind.  Good if only one or two doctors.  Bad if many doctors walk in room (a team).  Hubby says I worry too much.  Dolly is developing well. If it was a tumor, there would be obvious signs - wouldn't there? And now I wait and pray and hope. 

Still Here

I'm still here just overwhelmed with all the changes.  We moved into the new house last Saturday so it has officially been one week and three days. Lots of changes. I have both kids home now and it is a full-time mothering experience where I fall down at the end of the day.  The good news is that I am losing weight (probably from all this moving and chasing the kids). I'm down another 1.8 lbs at the scale last week after being stuck for about a month.  I love having a home that we can call our own but it is bleeding our savings dry.  As a result, I have to go back to work early, by about 6 weeks. I actually think I left Mister about the same time since I was on bed-rest before he came, used up some of the leave that way.  I am having mixed feelings about going back.  The nanny has started with us one day a week.  Yesterday I left them for the entire day (had a doctor's appointment about the thyroid and a best friend treated me to a pedicure).  I came home and found Mister napping and Dolly happily crawling around, the happiest I had seen her in a long time. I told the nanny that she has the 'magic touch'.  I know they will be good with her.  She was my best friend's nanny for 10 years so she comes from a reliable source.  I don't have much time to write these days but still browsing other blogs.  A friend of mine recently lost her baby when she was 7 months pregnant.  I am still grappling from this news.  I have been e-mailing her and sent a card.  Work sent a basket of things but I'm thinking of ordering her some casseroles or something from a nearby supper place. I feel at a loss for what to do but want to let her know that I'm here for her. 

Closing Day

Well, today is closing day.  We are official home-owners.  Hubby picked up the key from the lawyer today.  We are going to check it out this afternoon, after hubby gets off of work. Tomorrow we start on the wallpaper removal process and Saturday is actual moving day.

In the meantime, Sick Kids called today and I take Dolly for a pre-MRI work-up on Friday afternoon ... which also happens to be Mister's last day at daycare and there is a party in the afternoon.  I picked up Batman napkins and party blowers.  Hopefully I can make it in time.

My sister sent me a long e-mail complaining about the godparent decision that we made. In my opinion, it just reaffirms that I made the right choice.  I am now choosing not to respond.  I don't think that because you are blood relatives that you are defined as close or similar.  Sure, some friends do come and go but we choose our friends, not our family. 

Dolly

Isn't she adorable?

Godparents

So we are planning Dolly's christening. I'm receiving extraordinary pressure from my family to make my sister and her husband the godparents.  My sister and I  - well, we aren't very close.  We are seven years apart and we fought like cats and dogs as children.  I didn't make her Mister's godmother because I wanted my best friend to be his godmother. I wanted someone who would be involved in Mister's life. I also think my sister holds the position of aunt and by bringing in someone who is not necessarily blood family would extend the circle of loved ones. I have the same thoughts with Dolly's godparents.  I am planning to ask my good friend and neighbour who has been with us every step of the way.  She was the one who took Mister when my water broke early and we rushed to hospital.  Mister spent two nights with her family until grandma could arrive.  This friend was also the one who made me dinner countless times and left it on my porch when we were driving back and forth to hospital to see Dolly in NICU.  This friend, I think, is a major reason I didn't have post-partum this time around. She made me coffee, took Lilli for a couple of hours so I could get some sleep, spent time with us on a regular basis (she is a SAHM).  So we have been very lucky to have her in our lives.  My mother says that I don't need to 'reward' her for this. I don't think of it as a reward but an honour to have her be a part of my life and Dolly's life.  So what is my strategy for dealing with family stress? Avoidance.  My sister and her family are currently living in Germany. So with this in mind, I will plan the christening for October (a time when they aren't possibly going to make it) and ask the couple that I really want to be Dolly's godparents.  My mother will just have to deal with it.

MRI, MRI

I have been too busy.  Too busy to post.  So here is my short summary:

First and most important, we took Dolly to the second neurologist appointment at the Sick Kids hospital.  The second neurologist basically said - we can't ignore these findings .. we don't know if it is anything or not .. the ultrasound is a soft assessment and we cannot have any definitive answers without the MRI - specifically, we cannot rule out a mass (aka tumor) without the MRI.  So I said, sign us up!  Also please note that I'm holding my breathe the entire time.  It is a 3 month waiting period ... so now we wait. Although my pediatrician was very upset about the wait and since she is on staff at the hospital said she would expedite the process.  I asked about risks - apparently none other than the sedation process.  So now I wait and wait and wring my hands. I thought we were in the clear. I thought we had ruled it out. Now we are waiting again.  

When the health of my little one is in question, everything else seems so unimportant. Like the job. I was really looking forward to going back to work - and now the 3 month waiting period coincides with exactly the same amount of time I have left before I go back to work.  What if something is really wrong with Dolly? What will I do? I cannot lose her. Not now.  

As I said, not important - but the job interview was a bust. I totally screwed it up.  However, I don't think it was the right fit for me given the nature of the questions.  Another job opportunity has popped up. I've been offered a one year succondment in a management job when I go back - although not on paper yet, promising.  I did discuss my work-family priorities and that I needed to be home at times (esp. since I see how managers work long hours) - and they were very supportive of my needs.

We hired a nanny. I pulled Mister from daycare and then cried right after I told the daycare director. We love the daycare and I know he does too.  It will be a difficult transition for him - leaving his friends.  However, Dolly cannot go to daycare with her greater risk for respiratory problems. I do remember how sick Mister was (every week) and the doctor said we just cannot do that to Dolly. I agree.  So the nanny will start one day a week in the fall to give me a break and then full-time when I get back to work.  

Three weeks until we move. I'm not ready at all.  Doing lots of purging and making all the calls but haven't started packing yet.

As for WW, I haven't been tracking and I use food to cope.  I will go to the meeting this weekend but I'm not expecting miracles. I seem to be hovering around my 10% loss of 21 lbs.  I am stuck.  I guess it is better than up 21 lbs.