The Unexpected

I took Dolly to the eye specialist this week.  We were (and still are) scheduled for another specialist in November (long waiting period). However, my pediatrician was not happy about the long wait and found another pediatric opthamologist to have a look at Dolly's eyes.  The doctor said there is nothing wrong structurally with Dolly's eyes.  Rather, he thinks it is neurological and we are now waiting for an appointment with the Hospital for Sick Children so Dolly can have a Cat Scan/MRI.  He said he thinks it is a condition called "nystagmus", which is jerky eye movements.  Lots of children in his practice with this condition grow up to have normal vision and others very bad vision such that they cannot legally drive.  These seem like things I can handle.  When I asked him to write down for me the word "nystagmus" (because he kept saying it really fast and I knew I would forget it) he told me not to panic. If I went home and googled this word then I would see 'brain tumors'.  Big pause here.  I spent the whole way home on the subway crying -- strangers looking at me.  When I finally got home and saw my neighbour who asked me how it went, I was sobbing.  I can't imagine anything happening to my little one.  It never crossed my mind that she might have a brain tumor.  So now we wait.  I'm praying for the best of these situations. 

In the meantime, I have completely fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon.  I never drink my points and have been indulging in a few glasses of wine these past couple of days, and loading up on carbs (read bread and cheese).  I just can't seem to take care of myself and the babes.   

Summer Lovin', Had Me a Blast

I have to say that I am loving the warm weather and spending time with Dolly.  She is at the age when we can spend time together outside and play a lot more than I could with Mister (who was a spring baby ... he was too little and had to keep him covered up most of the time).  She is growing so fast, with such personality.  Yesterday we visited my parents' house and my mom produced a pink princess dress with a tutu.  She looked so cute in it!  I love dressing her up.  The trip to my parents' house was good - with the exception that there was way too much food and was way over my points allowance for the day.  Thank goodness for Flex Points!  Down 19.8 lbs so far and I think this week will be my 10% goal reached.  Trying to figure out what I will do to celebrate that!  Maybe a WW electronic scale? DH gave me some lovely baby jewelry from citrus silver this week (www.citrussilver.com) - onyx beads with the tang piece (all of our names engraved).  I love it.  For no reason he said, just for being a good mom.  : )  

Home is Where the Heart Is

Home is where the heart is ... this I keep telling myself is the truth.  We did not get the house. There were four bids.  We came in second. I don't know yet by how much but it is painful.  I look at the house every day that I go outside. It is just down the road.  My husband says it is just material things. Yes, true.  But  a house is where you build a home for your children .. I saw them sleeping in their beds and playing the back yard.  I'm a bit disheartened about the whole process. This is the third house we have lost but the one I wanted the most.  Chin up.

Store-brand Diapers = Leaks

Okay, so I caved and bought some store-brand diapers at a big-box store (not naming any names) that were on sale. I figured it out to be 20 cents a diaper.  I thought, maybe I'd give them a try?? I heard that a brand name diaper company made them (from other moms).  This was my first time (second kid) ever trying store-brand diapers. I guess you get what you pay for. Leak after leak.  These diapers have got to go.  I'm thinking of donating them to the food bank?? Not sure where else to send them. 

Update on the house: Today is bidding day. I'm so nervous!!  I put a bottle of champagne in the fridge to chill.  I'm hoping and praying that it works out.  I'm also hoping that my ohma is watching over me and will make things right. I trust her judgment. She sent me my daughter, DD - this I am sure of.  So I will know that what happens is meant to be today.  If not this house, then maybe the next.

I'm afraid to step on the scale this Saturday.  But I'll save that for another post.

Worry, worry

We are bidding on a house this week.  I cannot seem to stop worrying about it. Worry if we get it, worry if we don't get it.  Are we moving forward? Are we stretching ourselves to thin? We currently rent the house we live in and love it. We have grown attached to our neighbours, put roots down and soon Mister will be starting kindergarten and we'd like to keep him in the nearby school.  So a house came up for sale on our street this week.  A little out of our price range but manageable. So we will bid. I'm hoping that the stars align for us. It is a fixer-upper and needs a lot of work.  Only immediate thing would be the wiring and the rest would have to wait. 

In the meantime, I seem to be eating everything in the house!!  Let me say that Weight Watchers has been going fantastic. I am down nineteen pounds in 13 weeks.  Not too shabby! But my strategy for coping with stress tends to be eating.  So today I thought I would step up my workout routine and add some running. I did 15 minutes of running on the treadmill and another 25 of walking.  We'll see how this stress busting strategy works. 

Dolly is starting to get teeth.  She is growing so fast and looks so much like Mister that I can't believe it.  I am the luckiest woman alive to have these two little critters and my loving husband.  I count my blessings.

Into the Future

Dolly is 6-months-old.  I'm starting to worry about going back to work - now that I'm officially mid-way through my parental leave.  I don't really know what I want to do with my career. Meaning, I'm not really sure what I want to be when I grow up.  Before I had kids I would have described myself as a 'driven' woman.  I worked at school with all my gusto - I went all the way, earning the Ph.D. However, once that happened, I got pregnant with Mister about 3 months after walking across the stage to receive that Ph.D., which now hangs on my wall in the living room.  A shift in priorities occurred and I found that once Mister arrived that I was more concerned about work-family balance than bringing home the bigger pay cheque or getting the corner office.   I did a major job switch after having Mister (when I went back to work after the leave) to find a better job with more benefits in preparation for baby #2.  The thing is, I don't particularly love this job. So the thought about returning to it is not enticing.  Why am I bringing this up? Well, I had a bridal shower for one of my best friends on the weekend. I hired a Tarot Reader (a really well-known one in Toronto) to come do cards.  Her reading for me basically consisted of the following: I would quit my job, stay at home, be my own boss doing something along the lines of writing or teaching and take care of my kids myself.  The thought of leaving my job scares me to death.  I'm still absorbing this information. I guess I have 6 more months to think this through.  In the meantime, I ponder what the future will bring and what my goals or aspirations are now -- other than to be happy, to be a wonderful mom, wife, daughter, and friend.

Spring is Here!!

My little piglet (aka Dolly) turns 6-months-old this week.  I have been reflecting on all that has happened in the last 6 months.  She is growing into a little person.  It feels like she finally woke up this last month - becoming much more interactive - smiling, laughing and babbling at me.  There is still some concern that she might need glasses (I guess a common thing about preemies) - but I found out yesterday that the specialist waiting list is 8 months.  She could be in daycare by the time we see someone.  I started Dolly on solids recently and she seems to enjoy them - mouth wide open, waiting for her Oatmeal and Sweet Potatoes.  I just love her to bits.  I wish she would sleep more though ... she seems to be on a sleep strike. Her brother (Mister) is doing much better in the sleep department.  Seems to have adapted to having a little sister around and seems more secure with us lately.  The only battle with Mister is the one with him, us and the potty.  He just turned three and is one of three kids in his preschool room still in diapers.  I'm trying a new strategy based on a book called "Potty Train Your Child in One Day".  I'll have to post if it works or not!!  I've even ordered the Boy Corolle Potty Doll for $50 - but hey, if it works it is worth the investment from what I would save in pull-ups.  

And so where am I at 6-moths post-partum? I was looking at some of my posts and they seem a bit gloomy.  I finally started meds for my thyroid problem - it has been a long up-hill battle since 2005 with lots of needles and monitoring and decisively figuring out that I do have post-pregnancy thryoiditis as well as the auto-immune disease Hashimoto's.  The thyroid pill will help my slow thyroid (hypo- ... although earlier tests post-pregnancy revealed a fast thyroid ... guess that is how it goes with post-pregnancy thyoriditis - it cycles and they can only medicate the slow phase).  Nonetheless I should start feeling more energy, losing the baby weight and less depressed.  Yeah for the happy pill! Weight Watchers is working slowly - so far I have lost 12 lbs in 8 weeks.  Dolly is calling me ... until next time.